Silent Messages
by Lost in Crimson
Summary: Sheena's thoughts on his death...for all the Sheelos fans out there.


This is my first attempt at a Sheelos…it's also my first attempt at writing romance, if you could call it that. Please don't go too hard, though constructive criticism is greatly appreciated.

I have horrible grammar; it's one of the flaws in my writing skill (if I have any skill, that is).

Somewhat dedicated to Lil-Samuu and potter29vo. You should read their fics (if you haven't already). : )

Disclaimer: I do not own Tales of Symphonia; I believe Namco does.

OOOO

Lost in thought was I. Lost forever in my memories, my deepest dreams…I refused to face reality, refused to face the tragedies, the grief, the pain…this was perhaps my greatest weakness.

When you lose someone very close to you, not related, but so close that he was like your greatest sibling or admired older brother, though you never showed it? How can you not feel so much pain when they die at your hands?

No matter what you do, you always think of that memory when it becomes the time to face reality. You will always remember the time where you made the ending slash, the last fatal blow, to the one you cared for so much…no matter how much he made you angry, or how much you said you hated him…you still care.

We weren't even friends when we first met; in fact, I hated your attitude the moment you spoke to me. Yet I felt something strange…like a message. It seemed like you were trying to tell me something. I ignored it…regret now fills me whenever I think of that message…

I can decode it perfectly now. After your death, everything, from the small hints to the way you glanced at me when you thought I wasn't looking, made sense now. The first message I ignored, when I stole a look at you as you walked back to your swarming fan club in that royal garden. You had glanced back at me at the exact same time I looked up, and your eyes just told me something. I hate myself for not knowing until your death…

Now, all of your messages ring in my ears every time I try to stop dwelling on the past. I prefer to be lost in thought, never wanting to leave my own little world, full of memories of you and all the times we had together, good and bad.

Then there were all of the small glances you shot at me when the others weren't looking. They weren't wrong glances; just those that seem to try to pass on a message. Whenever the others saw him looking at me, they would start laughing. I used to turn red every time they did, especially since Lloyd was so thick most of the time, and he still got the message. During those times, I felt like I was the only one who didn't know what he was suggesting.

Then came the time when I was about to give my life for the sake of everyone else. The way you were the one who pulled me into the portal, against my own will, though saving my life at the same time…and what you whispered as we were the first to land in Sylvarant.

"You worried me back there; don't go risking your life again! Everyone else doesn't want you to die!"

I knew you added the last line to make it sound like you didn't care about me too much. Again, I ignored any sign you tried to give me, and silent messages you were trying to pass through the air were never read. I feel so ignorant, so careless, to have ignored all of these signs…

Now you're gone forever. We are in entirely different dimensions now. A river separates the two of us; you're standing on one side, I'm stuck on the other. We never had the chance to tell each other how we felt, our true feelings for one another. He wasn't always "pervert" in my eyes, and I wasn't always "voluptuous hunny" in his. The rest of the group understood that, yet the never said anything.

Now that I realize this, decoded all of the silent messages you sent me, and found out how I really felt about you…I couldn't wish any harder to be where you are right now. If my friends weren't here to stop me, I would've grabbed the nearest sword and end my life on this world.

He's gone now. I still prefer to think he is still here, and live in my own little world…until I feel the need to wake up, feel that I am ready to feel reality. My remaining friends understand…they always do. I feel so grateful, so blessed, to have friends who understand I don't want to be drawn back to fact yet. They do all they can to bring me back to the real world; yet don't force me to do so.

Presea's poems are so deep and meaningful. If only I could bring myself to fight again; then we could go on with the journey. But now, all I can do is dwell on the memories, the silent messages he gave me, the ones I never bothered to notice until now, and read the poems she wrote with slight interest, but no true understanding; like the time when he tried to pass those messages through the air.

Until I can face fact…I feel most comfort in my own little world, with no disturbances, and just remember all memorable time we had together, good and bad.

_Sweet memories,  
__Holding our very thoughts,  
__Filling our dreams…  
__That's when it's so hard to see  
__That these sweet thoughts  
__Are only memories._


End file.
